As I've come to learn more about relationships I've begun to realize how different men and women really are. Why is it that even some of the most genuine and seemingly harmless of men can be such fools? What possesses men to insist that all their "ducks be in a row" before they REALLY date? Why are women willing to adapt when we meet that person we may want to spend the rest of our lives with, whether the timing is right or not, while men seem equally willing to risk losing that person forever because the scenario isn't perfect now? Are men unable to see beyond the plans they've penciled in? Is struggling for a year or even a few years now not worth the frustration and sacrifice when it's to be with the person you want to spend the next sixty years with? What happens if you're too busy lining up your ducks to realize you've pushed her passed the point of no return? When you realize you have everything you want but not WHO you want to share it all with? When you realize you've settled for someone who will never make you feel the way only that one person you refused to just let yourself love can (because it wasn't the right time in your life or because the distance was too much to handle)? Maybe those kind of men get their hearts broken less than my girlfriends or myself will in life, but it's probably only because they'll never really know what great love is. Or what a rewarding rush taking the plunge for it can be. They'll be too busy spending the rest of their lives with just good enough because they were too stupid to realize that they had phenomenal during their not ready for commitment stage. Like my girlfriends, I too have suffered a broken heart at the hands of that kind of man but I cried those tears knowing that after mine have dried, it will be him longing for what we had. What he thought would still be around waiting patiently when he was "ready" to settle down. I don't date to have a make out partner or because I want just anyone's hand to hold. I look at the bigger picture. If I can see the rest of my life with the person I'm dating I don't care what it takes from me now to get there. The rest of our lives will happen whether we're ready or not but what good will the perfect job do you when you're wishing it were someone else you were going home to at the end of your work day? Those men can keep all their plans and their ducks, I'll take my broken heart and the sleeve I wear it on any day because I still look at the grander scheme and someday... it'll be worth it.
OR...
Is it just because it was never the right fit in the first place? Do those men really save us from dragging on the inevitable? I've always seen things in black in white until that one boy changed it all. I never gave those second chances. I always thought, either he likes you enough or he doesn't. If he's not your boyfriend it's because he sincerely doesn't care to be not because he's scared or confused. That's why the thought of losing you is not all that frightening to him. I used to think those women were so sad. Pathetic even. Making one excuse after another in order rationalize allowing themselves to keep being mistreated. That's why the saying goes, "Don't judge a man (or in this case a woman) until you've walked a mile in his shoes." After walking in a few destructive circles, I eventually walked away from that boy . I finally realized that he wasn't the idiot, I was. I was fighting to hold on to someone whose heart never belonged to me in the first place.
But then again, who knows? Relationships are hard, hearts get broken and life goes on...
***This was a result of two things: one... two of my best NYC girlfriends hearts being injured this weekend and two...watching 500 Days of Summer
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